First experience of a psychiatric unit
Now I was really ignorant about mental health. So I thought he was going to put me on this general ward. With the fussing around, I thought I could cope with that. I remember it was this wet November night and my dad drove me to the local psychiatric unit and I said to him ‘why have you brought me here? Its full of nutters?’ and that was the start of becoming a real revolving door patient. It was very frightening on my first admission. I was put in an observation room and not one person had asked me what had been happening in my life. This female doctor came and she actually said ‘I’m going to start by giving you a rectal examination’ and I don’t know why.
I thought they have got me here to be abused again. The conspiracy grows. The police had become part of the conspiracy because I knew something was wrong. I had become a father, and my own abuse was resonating again and I just thought ‘I need to get something out’ and I had a big business in Sheffield town centre and I would go into a pub at half past ten at night, and by eleven I would have had 5 pints, and 5 large whiskeys and I would drive home. I actually wanted to be stopped for drink driving. So that someone would ask me ‘Why are you doing this?’ But no-one stopped me. So I thought the police were in on it. So this conspiracy was growing. So when I got to the hospital and she said that. I just felt I couldn’t turn anywhere and I couldn’t trust anyone at that point.
I was on 25 tablets a day. I had no understanding of what was going on. My life had just shattered over night. I’d got nothing left really. I had to lie my way out of hospital. They were never going to let me out. I had to tell lies.