Build up to hospitalisation
My wife encouraged me to go and see my GP and he said ‘ah you're just stressed, take these beta blockers, you’ll be fine’. And I think the thing that really pushed me into services, was the fact that I had a really bad period of insomnia. You know I wasn’t sleeping properly, and I wasn’t looking after myself at all, and I had an out of body experience. I was on the ceiling. I could see myself laying on the settee and at that point – I thought I had died. You know, I couldn’t get back into my body – it was very frightening. I eventually got back in, and I started to cry uncontrollably. Which is something I learnt as a child you don’t do. It's a sign of weakness. I went to bed and my wife asked me what was wrong. But all I could say was ‘why have you let me down?’ I went back to work the next day. She asked me not to but I went. There had been a problem on this job and I swore at the man down the phone, and my business partner said ‘you can’t speak to people like that in business’. That’s all he said. So I hit him over the head with a telephone! And then I drove home, and I just stayed there. Curled up in this chair. I didn’t shave, I hardly ate or drank. I was just locked in this world of paranoia and voices – I was just so frightened. I finished up with the Doctor coming again and he said ‘I think you should go into hospital’.