Dependency and Independence

But even at this point, I’d not told my parents what had happened.  I felt embarrassed.  I’d lost my home, my family, my business.  And eventually I did tell them.  And I attended a day centre.  I did stop with my parents, while the flat was being sorted out.  Carers and family members are worth a million pound a week, they are so great at helping ,but they are great at getting it wrong as well.  I was a grown man, with three kids, but when I went to bed, my mother was tucking me in. I thought ‘for God’s sake, mother, will you leave it out!’ They can be suffocating.  It gets a bit overbearing. 

 So I’d take myself off walking, and I walked to Sheffield Town Centre quite a lot, and in doing this, I would cut through these flats and they kind of formed a tunnel, and I would walk down and they would be like faces intimidating me.  And I would get to the outskirts of Sheffield town centre and I would spot a small alien craft, and I would follow it all round the town centre.  It actually got me barred from the Ann Summers sex shop!  It would take me in these sex shops, and when they saw me coming, they’d lock the doors so I couldn’t get in!’

Eventually I did move back to my own place, and at that point I had a lot of visual hallucinations.  One occasion, there was two monks on the bed.  One pointed at me and the other walked straight through the bed and went inside me.  I was convinced I was possessed by this monk, and he was eating all my food and I lost a stone in weight.  So I went to the day centre and I said to my nurse – ‘I’ve got this monk living inside me, I’m being possessed and its eating all my food’.  The feeling was so horrible, I felt like I had cameras pushed in every orifice and it was like I was being abused yet again.  I think for supposedly intelligent people, why didn’t they realize?  My rapid weight loss, it could have been a sign of psychosis. 

Revolving doors
Dependency and Independence