The Jesus kick

While I had my business I had 9 people working for me on the shop floor.  But I hadn’t seen any of them since my first admission.  This got me thinking - perhaps they are my disciples because they have all betrayed me.  I have had an out of body experience, so in a way I’ve died and been resurrected.  I have been on the acute wards, so I’ve been to hell and back.  I must be Jesus Christ!  Now people always say you can’t be a fully paid up member of the psychotic society unless you’ve been Jesus!

 So I thought with this new found information - what shall I do? So I thought, I’ll go to Sheffield Cathedral.  So I made my way up there in my scruffy state, and as I made my way up to the doors I thought ‘Oh God, they crucified Christ’- I must have a last supper.  So I went to McDonald’s and I had a sausage and egg McMuffin!  So I went back to the Cathedral and as I went through the doors a man took me aside and said ‘what do you want?’  I said ‘I’ve come to see the main man, I’ve come to show myself’ so he sat and talked with me for about 10 minutes.  He wasn’t really listening to what I was saying.  But he foolishly left me.  Now I haven't been in the Cathedral since but there’s a full pulpit facing the main auditorium but there is also one side on, and there was a vicar there giving a sermon to some old age pensioners. So I seized my chance, and I went round the side of the Cathedral – they didn't see me coming.  I just leapt into the pulpit.  And he actually said ‘Christ Almighty!’ and I thought ‘well fantastic, he’s recognized me!’.

So he had to stop the whole sermon, and he took me into a back room, and he said, ‘what are you playing at?’ and I said ‘I thought you’d recognized me’.  We had a long drawn out conversation which finished off with him saying ‘have you ever been in a mental hospital?’ So I said ‘A few times, what’s that got to do with anything?’  He said ‘I’m starting a group for people with mental health problems in September’ – would you like to come?’ But I am not sure which September he meant because I have never heard from him since!’

I was quite disillusioned that I wasn’t the Messiah but that kind of went on for a while – the Jesus thing – Sally was great.  She always brought me back on side.  But even to the point where you see the craziness of services.  I got taken back into hospital – again through the Jesus kick, and the nurse said ‘what are you doing back here?’ kind of thing - and I said ‘can’t you tell? – I am Jesus Christ!’ And she just looked horrified.  She disappeared and came back with a more senior nurse and she just said ‘Oh Peter, I hear you think you are Jesus Christ?’.  So I said ‘I don’t think, I know’.  So she said ‘well you are creating a real problem for us, because we’ve actually got two Jesuses on the ward already - and if we admit you, you might upset the status quo!’

But this is where the real madness of services comes in because she actually said to me ‘are you sure you’re not John the Baptist?’ and I said ‘you’re not downgrading me to John the Baptist, I’m Jesus Christ!’.  But what if I’d accepted what she was saying and gone along with it? – you know like - 'yeah alright I’ll be John the Baptist' – how could she then tell me I’m not?  So its just crazy. 

I was very disillusioned.  I was trying to make sense of my experiences.  It would all have meant something if I was the Messiah. 

More revolving doors
The Jesus kick